Why Did Cassie Stay?
What her trial testimony really tells us about survivors of abuse
Last week the federal trial of Sean “Diddy” Combs kicked off at the U.S. court in Manhattan, and for five consecutive days Cassie Ventura, who is the prosecutors star witness, testified.
As her subpeonaed testimony unfolded, the jury heard about the years of emotional, physical, and sexual abuse she endured while in a relationship with Combs. As her court statements were relayed to the public by media outlets, many questioned, “Why did she stay for so long?”
A former mental health therapist from 1996 - 2016, I spent 20 years providing counseling to survivors of sexual assault, in addition to serving as an expert witness and giving depositions. When I heard about Cassies testimony I immediately realized that she had shared some key details that explained why she had stayed with Combs for 11 years in an abusive relationship.
This week on YouTube I go into details about my discoveries, including grooming and Stockholm Syndrome - two key elements that I believe explain why it took Cassie so long to leave the toxic relationship.
Sexual Grooming
Key Point #1 - She did try to leave - several times throughout their 11 year history! Whenever she left either Combs bodyguards came to retrieve her or he did it himself. And upon her return there were harsh consequences-punishment that she endured - often resulting in the disfigurement of her face. And let’s not forget the time when she tried to date Kid Cudi and his car was blown up in his driveway or when her friends tried to protect her and Combs allegedly physically attacked them too.
Key Point #2 - Ventura was only 19 years old when she and Combs met. Most individuals have been out of high school barely a year, haven’t really experienced a real relationship, are gullible, and very vulnerable at this age.
There was also the significant age difference of 17 years. Cassie was 19 while Diddy at the time was 36. Again, their experiences when it came to relationships were vastly different.
During parts of her testimony, some of the details that Cassie shared suggest that Diddy actually groomed her. The definition of sexual grooming is:
The action or behavior used to establish an emotional connection with a vulnerable person to lower their inhibitions of engaging in certain sexual acts and the act of sexual abuse. They are often given gifts as a part of the grooming (Cassie signed a 10 Album deal with Bad Boy Records and during her 11 year relationship with Diddy she only released 1. She was also given lavish gifts during their relationship).
Key Point #3 - Cassie admitted that she wanted to engage in the “freak offs” to make Diddy happy, to please him. She went on to state that he wasn’t a bad person, he wasn’t a monster, which then suggests that at some point during their relationship she most likely developed Stockholm Syndrome.
Stockholm Syndrome occurs when a victim develops an emotional bond with their abuser or the person holding them captive. Although they may be intimate, these feelings are considered irrational because of the danger or risk endured by the victim. Instead of showing anger or rage towards their abuser, some who has Stockholm Syndrome will instead feel a need to protect their abuser.
So when people ask, “Why didn’t she just leave?” She was a groomed victim of sexual assault. She had been condition to not show any inhibitions when presented with outlandish sexual acts and to not be self-conscious or show any type of mental restraint. She saw the abuse as an act of love. Most likely, over time the need to leave slowly diminished as she begin to protect him. Leaving was an afterthought.
Why did Cassie stay? Because often, victims don’t see a way out, especially when they have been isolated from family and friends. She admits that she didn’t have the resources needed to leave a man like Diddy in the beginning. She was stuck in a never ending recording contract, feelings of hopeless and helpless possibly consumed her and at some point in her relationship with Combs, she began to accept the abusive situation she was in and mentally change how she perceive what was taking place in addition to the over usage of drugs in order to cope.
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Disclaimer - This article should not be taken as mental health advice. Dr. Yazeed is not your mental health therapist, and she no longer practices as a mental health clinician.
Dr. Carey Yazeed is a Behavioral Scientist and creator of the workbook - Unbreak My Soul: How Black Women Begin to Heal From Workplace Trauma.
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