Who Asked You? Aging Women and The Unrealistic Beauty Standards of Men

Yesterday as I was scrolling through Instagram, I ran across a post from one of my favorite magazine editors, turned celebrity - Demetria L. Lucas. She had gone on a rant about men who try to hold older women to these high beauty standards, wanting us to look the same in our 40’s and 50’s, as we did when we were 20 and 25.

I could relate to what this sista was saying.

The men I’ve encountered since my first divorce, which occurred in my mid 20’s, have been very vain, starting with my 2nd husband. He would complain about my weight, often calling me fat. Mind you - the only time I weighed over 110 pounds during our marriage was when I was pregnant. Meanwhile, he had a fupa, unkempt dreadlocks, and teeth that could benefit from braces.

Then there was the date who was 6'2, and while standing over me as we waited to be seated at a restaurant exclaimed, “Oh my God! You have gray hair!” I politely turned to him, looked up, smiled and responded, “Yes, I do. But where is your hair?” The hostess damn near died from laughter along with the other guests waiting to be seated. He became upset and told me that I didn’t have to comment on his baldness. I told him he could have also kept his mouth shut about my gray hairs.

And I can’t forget about the guy who was an exercise freak and constantly bragged about what he could do in the bedroom. Then one day I discovered he couldn’t do anything at all. When I tell you his penis couldn’t get erect no matter how hard he tried, but there I was trying to be “encouraging.” I eventually discovered his erectile issues were a result of high blood pressure, Type 2 Diabetes, and god knows what else. And although his body was sculpted to the gods, his eating habits were shitty and he didn’t take his medications like he was supposed to. But in the same breath he would have the audacity to fix his mouth and lecture me about my health. Sir…you can’t even get your penis to stand at attention!

As I’ve grown older, I’ve noticed that men my age are settling down with women who are half our age - like they could be her daddy - and financially they probably are. These men believe that by having a younger woman on their arm it will make them look good. It doesn’t. Because let’s face it, we all know why she is there - it’s called Gucci, Channel, fancy trips and a soft lifestyle that only requires occasional sex and listening to him struggle to breathe as he sleeps at night.

I don’t have a Meg The Stallion, Saweetie or Cardi B physique and I’m okay with that. If a man wants a woman who went to a build-a-body doctor in Mexico laying next to him at night, I’m probably not his type. I am happy with my gray hairs, and my changing body. I am okay with who I am becoming in my later years of life. But unlike myself, most men are terrified of aging. Instead of dealing with their receding hairlines and declining health, they instead try to project their insecurities onto women like you and I. Sis…he ain’t worth the headache he’s become in your life.

As Demetria stated, “Everybody ages. Gravity and time don’t just exist for humans with vaginas,” and that’s alright!

Photo by Jennifer Enujiugha from Pexels