What It Means When You Bet On You
Since leaving the workforce in 2016, and embracing full time entrepreneurship, I have been very vocal about the negative experiences I endured while in the workplace, and why I ultimately made the decision to bet on myself.
Yes, the Civil Rights Act of 1964 made it illegal for corporations to discriminate against Black folk, and to blatantly deny us jobs because of the color of our skin, but that didn’t mean they had to be nice to us, or treat us fairly once they allowed us inside their elaborate skyscrapers and glass offices.
My generation, Generation X, was fed the American dream; go to school, get a degree, then get a white collar job, and life will be easier for you and your kids. The children of sharecroppers who moved to the big city, there are times I want to go to the cemetery and yell at my deceased parents; letting them know that the American dream is really a nightmare, and the bigger piece of the pie that they thought I would have, is still nothing but leftover crumbs from the descendants of slave owners, poor white trash that embraced Jim Crow, and Blacks who believe having a close proximity to whiteness is always the right thing to do.
Despite what my parents and grandparents believed, life hasn’t gotten easier for us. Data shows that we still have to work 3x’s as hard, tap dance, and smile until the muscles in our face hurt - and that we are still overworked and underpaid. We still suffer from high rates of heart disease, stroke, diabetes, high blood pressure, stress and anxiety.
And yes, the media tells us that our poor health is because of our unhealthy diets, but what they don’t share is how these toxic jobs are killing us just as fast. Don’t believe me, again, numbers don’t lie - check out the data which shows a positive correlation between negative job experiences and poor health, especially in Blacks.
Me, I’ve never wanted to die from work related trauma. I also don’t want to die from societal trauma. I’d like to just die from old age and natural causes, on a beach while sipping a tropical drink with a hint of vodka in it. But in this current world that we live in- I don’t know if that is even possible.
When I worked 9 to 5’s, I always endured some type of workplace trauma, I just didn’t know it in my formative years. From being challenged by my white coworkers as not being good enough even though I had earned an advanced degree from an elite private college, to blatantly being called out of my name, and falsely accused for some of everything; for over 20 years my work experiences were pure hell. The only time I ever felt any type of relief was when I got in my car and drove to my own place of business.
Did I push back during those tumultuous experiences? You’d better believe it, but ultimately, it never matter.
Over the years I’ve found myself trying to share what I’ve learned with other women, both Black and white; from how to protect yourself in the workplace, to when to walk out with your middle finger in the air and create your own opportunities. I’ve always wanted other women to know that sometimes it’s okay when you bet on yourself because you just might win!
So how can you get started now? Take a moment and honestly ask yourself these questions:
Do you start to feel anxious or depressed on Sunday afternoons?
Do you have a hard time getting motivated in the mornings, before the start of your work day?
How many times have you cried, become agitated, or upset regarding a situation at your place of employment this past week?
Is your current income enough to sustain the lifestyle you want, and/or deserve? Can you finacially survive when your body says it’s time for you to retire?
Are you being micromanaged, or experiencing harassment, bullying, discrimination, or micro aggressions while at work?
What would make you happy? What is stopping you from doing it right now?
Have you invested in learning new skills, or becoming mentally, physically, and financially healthier?
Do you stop and say, “I”m too old to be going through this shit!”
Life hasn’t been a bed of roses since I walked off that ‘good job’ back in 2016, but in my own way I have found peace. I’ve discovered that I don’t need to sit at a desk for 8 hours, and that I get more done between the hours of 5am -9am and make the same amount of income than most people after completing a full day of busy work. I’ve learned what my triggers are, and how to take a moment and calm myself down. I enjoy that I don’t have to ask anyone’s permission to take a sick day, or to leave my home office early and run errands. And I love the idea of being able to jump on a plane and take a trip to God knows where, whenever I damn please.
Betting on myself in midlife has meant freedom - something I never knew existed until I took that leap of faith. Betting on me meant walking away from corporate trauma and promising myself that I’d never allow myself to go through that again. Placing all bets on me means realizing I have to reconfigure the American dream my parents bought into, and knowing that is perfectly okay. Betting on Dr. Carey Yazeed means making new rules, walking to the beat of my own drum, and deciding what happiness means for ME.
I know that walking away from an abusive work situation isn’t for everyone, and like some bad relationships, a few people will make a conscious decision to stay. But at the end of the day, no matter what you decide to do, make sure you are always betting on Y-O-U.
Dr. Carey Yazeed is a bestselling author and behavioral scientist who specializes in qualitative research. She is the creator of Unbreak My Soul, a work book that helps professional Black women to begin to heal from work trauma. She now offers monthly virtual safe spaces that allow professional Black women to exhale, and learn about available resources, while feeling supported by their peers. Click here to learn more.