Yesterday I had an emotional meltdown. We are talking crying, screaming, cussing, and all of the things that come when you’ve finally had enough. So what sparked this meltdown? It was an email.
A few weeks ago, I started the interview process for a Safety Net Advocate, a fancy name for a qualitative researcher, with a non-profit policy organization. After reading the job description, I knew I was overqualified, but the job sounded interesting so I applied. Along with a resume and cover letter, applicants had to also submit THREE writing samples that showed their ability to extract data from interviews (qualitative research). I submitted three studies that I had completed, with one being my study on the inability of Black women to be vulnerable in the workplace.
A month after submitting my information, I was contacted for an “initial interview.” This consisted of a 30 minute interview with the director and assistant director via Zoom. During our time together, the assistant director stated several times how impressed she was with the research I had conducted and wanted to know more about my studies. The director on the other hand, appeared to have an attitude the entire 30 minutes; as if I was wasting his time. He kept reminding me that we ONLY had 30 minutes - when we were only 10 minutes into the interview. Then he stated that people from academia backgrounds seem to have a hard time writing for regular folk. It was then that I realized he hadn’t read the samples I had submitted, let alone that I hadn’t been in academia since 2021. He wanted to know if I could handle Louisiana politicians - not realizing that I have several acquaintances who are a part of the Louisiana Legislature and/or work for the Black Caucus. Yes…I can handle having a conversation with a politician. The bias and micro aggressions were oozing out of his pores.
Fast forward to two weeks ago, I received an email stating I had made it to the 2nd round of the “interview phase.” For this phase I had to complete ANOTHER writing sample. This required me to listen to an interview or review a bill that was being introduced during THIS legislative session in Louisiana, and write a blog post about it. I selected the interview, which I transcribed and included quotes from the participants, while building a case for the safety net programs that were implemented by the federal government during COVID. This required me to gather additional data and resources from research articles on the topic. I spent a total of 4 hours completing the writing sample in a tone that anyone who was on a 6th grade reading level or higher could understand.
Well, as you can imagine…yesterday I received a Dear John email from the director that thanked me for applying. The email went on to inform me that they had a total of 8 candidates (which is low in this job market), and that after completing a blind review of my writing sample, I was NOT selected to move forward to the next round of interviewing. The director went on to state that he felt sorry for having to inform me of this, BUT encouraged me to continue to follow the organization, because they would have more openings in the future. Then he wished me the best as he signed off and went to enjoy his weekend.
I fucking lost it!
It was a Friday afternoon at approximately 4:30pm. He sent that email at the end of the work day and week. Who would intentionally try to destroy another persons weekend like that? This told me everything that I needed to know regarding his level of empathy as a leader, which also pissed me off.
In the midst of me losing it, I hit reply to the email and let him know exactly how I felt. Fuck it, I’m 54 years old, and I’m tired of the ageism that exist in the workplace, along with white male leaders who reek of privilege and lack emotional intelligence.
My response informed him of how he wasted 4 1/2 hours of my time and that within this lifetime- I seriously doubted if I would ever again take out that much time for another interview. I also pointed out his subtly micro-aggressions towards me during this process, and how his organization really needs to streamline their interview process (If you are going to request writing samples from a candidate when they submit their resume and cover letter, you shouldn’t have the candidate to waste their time to complete a writing exercise that takes 4 unpaid hours). I ended with telling him he really didn’t feel sorry for having to send me that email, then I wished HIM the best.
Yes, I burned that bridge all the way to the ground, and then cried myself to sleep. I’m not perfect, and I don’t pretend to be. Life kicks my ass sometimes, and I have vulnerable moments just like everyone else.
This morning, I woke up with peace in my heart, and a smile on my face. I realized that all of the no’s for the jobs I’ve been applying for since 2017 when I left my toxic assistant professor position, has been God’s way of telling me I can make it on my own.
I’ve been doing research consulting and speaking since leaving higher education full time and I’ve survived. Now, it hasn’t been easy and the slow months damn near take me out, but I’m still here; I’m still standing.
Instead of focusing on a job where I am helping an asshole to build an organization he clearly doesn’t understand, I am going to mentally shift my attitude and solely focus on building and sustaining my own business and the non-profit organization I recently started after my youngest son’s untimely death.
Sometimes the message isn’t plain as day. Sometimes we have to experience a bunch of no’s, hit reply, have a meltdown, then cry ourselves to sleep, before realizing that all along, God was tryna tell you something.
Dr. Carey Yazeed is a Behavioral Scientists and the creator of Unbreak My Soul, a workbook that helps Black women who are healing from workplace trauma. She is the founder of the Taye Yazeed Arts Foundation, which supports young adult artists in S. Louisiana.
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I absolutely love reading your writing! I’m so sorry this happened to you.
I felt this and glad you called them out on the micro aggressions.